Behind the Song: Heaven

As we continue to record songs for the new EP, I thought I'd share a few thoughts about some of the songs in the coming weeks. Here is the first installment. 

'Heaven' is a lamentation, a song of sorrow and grieving. Loss is real. Endings are real. However, I have always believed that grief is not the absence of hope, but rather the 'hoping for hope'. 

I don't dream of heaven anymore 
All I do is stay awake 
All I do is stay awake 
I don't try to look into your eyes 
All they do is haunt my soul 
All they do is haunt my soul 

In the grief of the moment, even the thought of beauty and perfection can be too painful. To love intensely is to be 'haunted' by every face, every experience that was once shared when you are separated from that person. It also brings about the weight of a difficult question: 'Did I love completely?'

Do you know what it is like to be recklessly loved? 
Do you know what it is like to be desperately loved? 
Unable to be alone 

Ultimately love is a risk. Love is a risk of rejection, loss and sorrow. But it is also a risk that leads to meaning and fulfillment.

I don't dream of heaven anymore 
I just fall under the weight 
Faith is still the chance I take 

The grief and sorrow of the song lead to the song's final conclusion. It ends in longing, not knowing. It ends in the 'hoping for hope', not in the promise of perfection. It ends in the mystery of love and connection. 

I want to see you walking back to me 
Out of the darkness, nothing left but free 
There is a mystery that binds us both 
Something more than just a whisper of hope
 

These are just some of my thoughts about the writing of this song, but they are by no means the complete story. Every time I sing it, it produces different emotions and different discoveries. There is a part of me that struggles with even trying to explain it at all, because each of us experiences a song differently. I don't want to influence what you feel; I just want to share a bit of what I felt at the moment when I wrote the song and what has become part of my personal journey. 
 

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